Hello? Oh Hey Mardondo! I've been well, you? Today was actually pretty good for me! Yea, I took a picture of my toast today, you remember - "Brent's classic toast" haha we were so crazy back then! Yea I wanted to show people really badly by putting in on instagram, but how would they ever stand to look at it in its natural state? So I had to walk myself ALL the way over to the counter, rip out a paper towel, walk ALL the way back to the kitchen table, and slowly brush off the sides of the plates so there weren't any crumbs. Then I realized, sometimes plates have crumbs on them! So I - being the natural artist that I am - places 9.6 crumbs back on to the plate in aesthetically pleasing positions. I then realized that this is wheat toast - not white toast - and therefore was reacting to the interior lighting of my house in a different way than was expected. I immediately ran to the garage to find a change of bulbs, but of course that bitch MARCONI had taken them all to use for his "bedroom." I can't wait until he moves out. So I came BACK to the kitchen table and had an epiphany - everyone loves photos that are outside! I picked up my plate and raced out the door, balancing the toast and crumbs so neither would lose their perfect positioning. I placed the toast right next to the PRETTIEST bush I could find, but then took a second glance at the bush - and remembered that no one likes bush. I don't like bush, that's for sure, and I'm pretty sure bushes haven't been popular since the 60s. Bushes went out of style fast - so the fact that I had one was immediately troublesome. What was I to do? There was but one solution - shave the bush. But did I have big enough clippers to handle all that bushiness? As a matter of fact I did - because the only person I know who has a bush is MARCONI (that bitch) and I know that he keeps his weed whacker hidden for bush-shearing purposes only. I snuck into his room and grabbed the weed whacker, came back downstairs, ready to get rid of this bush once and for all, and then looked down...THE PLATE WAS EMPTY!!! I couldn't believe it! Some rodent must have taken advantage of my absence and snuck away with my perfectly groomed plate of toast. Needless to say, I went to work on that bush, and the stump behind it has never looked so good.
(Tags: Brent Pella Toast Comedy Parody Article Review UCSB UC Santa Barbara IMDB)
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